TRIGGER! HcG shot

Now is the time. The shot to end all shots (Well, not really ALL shots... but it does end the hormonr shots)! It's called the 'trigger shot'. It's a shot of HcG that releases the eggs to be ovulated/retrieved!

The HcG shot was done Saturday night at 8:30PM SHARP. They were very serious about this, and even a few minutes off would 'ruin the process'. I was very serious, got off the phone, and joked with Walter about how our clocks better be correct! I really don't know why sometimes I can take the warnings with a grain of salt and how others will send me in a panic shock that I don't even want to be around myself.

Anyways, the shot was awful. It was large and it was the first one that when in my hip VS my stomach. I wasn't too nervous about the hip (Lord knows my stomach needed a break) but I knew Walter was. When it was done I had plenty of special somethings to make me feel better.

Today (Sunday) I get a break from all shots, but I must prepare for the retrieval tomorrow.

It feels so strange to be excited and scared at the same time for something to come.

After a few days of healing, it still looks pretty disgusting. Don't judge the stretchmarks, hair, bruising, etc. Just wanted to show you how it looked not even at it's worst.

You can also see my "Gracie Scar" in this picture. One of the three scars I still have from my ectopic, and it's what we call them.

Making Room for Baby

Okay, so Walter and I are disagreeing (which at the risk of sounding mushy, is very uncommon for us) and we aren't sure on when the time is to be excited. I'm excited about baby. I feel like I'm lifting my hands in victory as I about to tear through the rope at the end of the finish line. Walter, on the other hand, is approaching the finish line like it's not a rope, but a flesh-eating snake. Alright, okay, I get why he would be a little unsure about when to run the victory lap- clearly he's learned his lesson. I guess I have not.

Anyways, so the baby blanket was a shock for him. He's letting me do what feels best for me, but what feels best for him is to just support it because it's my choice... Even though I'm tempted, I won't do anything in the nursery yet (I'm sure he'd have a heart attack right then and there) and I'm trying to learn as well. Just because there's a pink positive and sperm and egg joining, doesn't mean we will have a baby to entertain. At the same time, I don't want the horrific past to cloud the future. So anyways... we're trying to work with each other the best possible.

But I'm getting antsy! (And I think my mom is too, lol)
So we had two work days filled with tons of OTHER projects to do before baby... just finishing touches here, and adding more room here. Always, always, always, looking for places to add more room.

So, thanks to Pinterest, we decided our big project was going to be turning a coat closet by my front door (in my living room) into a mini mudroom. We also wanted to add another color in the living room, and painted some grey into the design. With the hormones flowing, the tears flowed as well when frustration came. But in the end, my mom and I grew closer and the project turned out absolutely beautiful.

I'm blessed, even though I don't say it enough, to have her.
My kids will be blessed to have this crazy, over-the-top, loving, selfless, funny granny as well. She looks forward to it.

The finishing touches still need to be added, but you'll have to wait for that picture for another day.

I'M A MOMMY AGAIN!

Here's the shock of your life...

No, I'm not pregnant again.

BUT...

We got another dog.

If you're still reading, then you must not know the troubles and fights we faced when we got out first dog, Belle. Walter was sent out of town a lot, and me not being a 'pet person', it was a big fight in our marriage. But here's the facts...

1) I will not admit to being a 'pet person'. But I love Belle more than I say. She's loving, sweet, and always excited to see me (albeit TOO excited).

2) Walter constantly brings up the fact he missed Belle's 'puppyhood' and to be honest, I think it's one of his biggest regrets.

3) We've went from jokingly mentioning, to praying, to seriously talking about getting a another dog for a little over a year. We've heard a second dog isn't much more trouble, and the dogs will entertain each other.

4) Dogs are always cuter in two's... and you know it.

So, when the opportunity came on facebook that a cousin of mine had a litter of puppies she was trying to get into homes, I was interested. When I found out they were Husky/German Shepard/Lab mix... I knew Walter would be in heaven. All of his favorites wrapped into a ball of cute.

I surprised him with the opportunity Thursday night. He fell in love at first glance, I can be sure of that. We seriously talked and got right down to core honestly about how we felt, our concerns and worries. We couldn't help but want to give it a chance. Friday evening Walter even came home with a handwritten resolution he had written at work, promising his duty to his family (2 dogs included, lol). It reminded me of the commercial where the young boy makes a power point to convince mom that a dog is needed. :)

We went to get her and brought Belle. They got along just fine and both Walter and I loved her. We brought her home knowing that we were just giving it a shot. If it didn't work, and if it riled Belle up more, that we just could not handle two.

Now, looking back knowing what I know now, it seems silly.
Lucy has been worth her weight in gold. Belle has taken over the mothering role with the pup and they get along and play themselves sleepy. They're out of their kennels all day long, and play together allowing Walter and I to do what we need to. They get sleepy and both go in their kennels when it's time for a nap. Belle has calmed and not only does it make me feel better to keep Lucy, it makes me feel a WHOLE lot better on when it's time to bring Baby Wallheimer(s) home.

I am not a pet person. I am not a pet person. I am not a pet person.

But I love my dogs, and couldn't imagine our little family without them. Things have been changing around here, and now I can feel myself changing and putting them first.

We walk when I'm tired.
I leave the house every day with hair all over my black clothes.
A second bathroom in the next home is important, but I'd trade it in for a yard for my dogs.
We snuggle, we play, and I beg Walter to let them stay out longer even when I'm hurting and sick.

I am not a pet person.

A Story Told in Facebook Statuses

Laying in bed getting ready for the day ahead: another blood test and ultrasound, working with my mom on the mudroom closet, and being crazy in love with my husband.

IVF Update: Nurses looked very shocked and concerned about my progress today with the ultrasound. It appears that I may be moving too fast. Will not hear results until around 2PM so please pray for them please. We're looking for the news on retrieval early next week.

GOOD NEWS! Instead of cancellation due to the fast progress, we have been moved up! We were still in the safe zone! Another ultrasound and blood test tomorrow to find out if we will have a MON or TUES retrieval! Really thankful for my praying friends!!!

Want another IVF update? RETRIEVAL MONDAY RETRIEVAL MONDAY!!! :D I will be taking my 'trigger shot' tonight and will be put under for surgery Monday morning. It's been such a good weekend with so much progress... I also need to let you know our family has also grown by 1 pup! :)

And baby makes three... or four... Eek!

I've been slowly hoarding projects I can do while on bed rest to keep me occupied.
Last night I learned to crochet and began my first project: A baby blanket.

Who's shocked?!

No one. :)

I went to the store with a good friend and she helped me select the yarn and begin. I choose the colors we are planning to decorate the nursery in. Teal. Chartreuse. Cream/Tan. Heather purple. I began and admittedly so the 'calming' project wasn't so much, but I found out that I am a quick learner and finished my first few lines.

Just another thing I've gained in my life preparing for the baby. Honestly, it's a road full of obstacles, tears, and struggles... but I know it's made me a better person. I've grown, and it's continuing to challenge me. I can only imagine what Motherhood is going to be like...

My heart is full.

Still a ways to go...

Next Step: Lupron + Follistim + Menopur (+Patience)

Hard to believe it's only been a week, but after blood tests we've been approved for the next step again! I know for all of you who do not know IVF steps, this speed is UNBELIEVABLE!
Now I am taking 20 units of Lupron, 150cc of Follistim, and 75units of Menopur. The first shot of Menopur was last night. I know I have Christian readers, and you all are keeping me accountable in my description of how the Menopur felt... however I definitely wasn't accountable when it was administered. It stings like a... whew. It feels like your flesh, your insides, and everything the medicine slowly creeps to Is. On. Fire! I cried, I cursed, I yelled. Walter stood, Walter held my hand, Walter was patient.

Fun Fact: Menopur is actually made from the urine of women in Menopause. Gross right? But explains the stinging.

The Menopur was interesting. Instead of drawing from a vile (like Lupron) or having a handy pen (like Follistim) we actually had to mix the solution ourselves drawing from one vile of liquid and injecting into a vile of powder. We waiting until it fully dissolved, then withdrew and injected. A big pain in the butt. Right now we are using one vile of liquid and one vile of powder... I'm dreading the day (and it will come) where we mix one vile of liquid with TWO viles of powder. Ouch.

Sounds like we should get a degree in this stuff doesn't it?!
We would vote for that.

Going to the gym and I'm, going to get f-i-t.

(If you didn't sing this title to the tune of 'Going to the chapel and I'm, going to get married' you need to re-read and try again.)

Been going to the gym lately. Not to lose weight, but to be healthy. For myself. For Walter.

Let's be honest.

For the baby.

Everything for the baby. I feel like I can eat all day long, but facebook friends encouraged just to keep under my calorie goal and continue working out. The hunger is just my metabolism getting its act together. Nice.

You know, I haven't always been fat. In high school, before all this infertility/PCOS thing, I was thin and beautiful. I know I will probably never be that way again, and that's okay.

But I dream of the things learning to be a little healthier will bring me...
Cute maternity photos.
Better-fitting clothes.
Energy to run and play with my children.
More of a sex drive for my husband.

Sorry, getting personal, but sometimes I just don't feel sexy (especially with the bruising and injection sites all over). I get depressed sometimes, but it's only when I lose sight of how far I've already come.

I quit smoking in January of 2010. It's been over two years, and still a struggle.
Still, one of the greatest accomplishments of my life.

Thank you baby for helping me be a better mommy already.