God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sams Club Druggie

So, I know it's been awhile, but for the most part my husband and I wereon a cruise. We had an AMAZING time! I really wanted to be able to take my Femara on board, yet still no period! It's now day 60something, only keeping track in my planner.
Anyways, as the last post reads I went to the doctor a few weeks ago to complain about not having a monthly period (oh how the tune changes when you're TTC!) and he gave me a perscription to "jump start" things. He also told me, to my heart break, that he would be unwilling to try any other procedure due to my age. According to him, I am "too young to be saddled with multiples". Funny thing is, I thought that was my decision! I told him, as nicely and firm and possible, "If the only way is to put 30 in there, then I'll take them all! Just help me." He refused. So, until the age of "at least" 26-28 I will be TTC on Femara and prayers- which I know, can do wonders... but...
I was just able to pick up the perscription to "jump start things" today. I turned in a perscription for this and for another Femara bottle. Even though I haven't had the chance to take the drugs just yet, I do have two months worth in my kitchen. I thought filling the perscriptions wouldn't hurt and while we're seriously taking them I won't be in such a rush to run to Walgreens at a certain time every month. Today I should have recieved my third month, but instead I was handed a computer print-out and told to call the number on the sheet. Confused, I left and got in my car to check out the sheet. On the top in bold letters it read, "Third- Party REJECT. Plan exceeded" Hm. Great thanks, I have no idea what that is. After calling I found out the following... Now, I am taking this a bit easier because I have NOT taken the perscriptions yet, and I MAY be overreacting because I am so sensitive to this issue... however, after calling the phone number the woman proceeded to tell me my insurance plan only covered the first two Femara pick-ups. At this point I was thinking, "Okay whatever, going to cost about 5x as much but why couldn't I get it today??". I kept this to myself and patiently waited for her to give me the line that made me want to bust up laughing and crying at once. "Your insurance only covers two pharmacy pick-ups because they believe that is the medication has not been... um, effective in two months time that if you continue to choose to take this medication that you need to buy in bulk."
Are. You. Kidding. Me?? If I had been taking the medication over the last two months and I hadn't gotten pregnant they're asking me to buy in BULK? Does that not just scream FAIL at you? lol.
Anyways, I placed an order for the lowest "bulk" I could. Three months. I plan to start taking the first medication tonight or tomorrow. I have to take it for seven days and hopefully my "gift" (which I'm now really starting to believe is a gift!) appears, and then I will be able to start taking the Femara on Day 5. Along with this I need to continue taking folic acid and fiber suppliments.
In the end, I'd swallow a large screeen TV if it would aid me to being "Mommy".

Along these lines, with HUGE excitment, our PRIDE classes for fostering begin just around the corner! August 16th is our first class and I am BEYOND thrilled to get this process going. People ask me what I will do if I'm approved to foster two children AND get pregnant with possible multiples. I simply tell them, then I would have four (or more) children. Simple math to me.

I know I sound crazy to most... but you have no idea what point this struggle brings you to unless you go through it.

Monday, July 12, 2010

salt in the wound

here I am, sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office to see what the next step is that I should take to get pregnant. the small room is filled with ten pregnant bellies and 5 children under the age of two. I don't know what to think. I'm not sure what to do. my heart is breaking with every minute, and I'm blinking back tears. Lord, why not me??

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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Trying to make a + out of a -

Still no monthly "gift". I was getting excited, as today is Day 40 of my cycle. I am still pretty irregular, so I just keep counting and waiting. Couldn't help but dream of babies all night and take a test first thing. I'm starting to think I should buy stock...

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