God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Friday, December 13, 2013

A List of Things I Regret Saying

Trying to have a baby a lot of ignorant comments flew across my lips. Here a just a few, to those who are interested in the perspective.
  • "I'll never complain about morning sickness/stretch marks/ having to pee all the time!"
Such a lie. I did. Luckily, infertility taught me a way to handle it considerately. I talked to my husband; I whined to my best friend (who wasn't experiencing infertility issues); I called my mom... Posting it on social media is just rude. Facebook and Instagram are great, but they shouldn't be our best friends (and you're talking to someone who ADORES social media). Some things are better left to be said to your friend over coffee. Your friend may think you're a whiner, but what are friends for? Please save your acquaintances/co-workers (and possibly those who are struggling) your pregnancy woes. 
  • "Once I have just one baby I'll be happy and won't be selfish and ask for another"
Who is selfish? This girl. I thank a very special friend to me for (luckily) teaching me this even before I became pregnant. When you have a child, you cannot love that child more and you are opened up to this whole new world of love and what love is. You can't imaging loving anyone more... but you know your heart would just grow for another baby, and you want that growth! You want that sweet sibling love for the child you do anything for and you do not want to disappoint.
  • "I will never take a moment I have with my baby for granted"
Another lie. I would looooove to put up this fake front up and say I have NEVER missed a moment with sweet Sullivan, but it so a lie. Sometimes I Instagram while he cries. Sometimes I roll my eyes when he wants to be picked up again. Sometimes I think, "Can't I PEE in peace kid?!". Lying about getting frustrated with mommyhood is right along the lines of how you'll smile through all that heartburn. After infertility you may appreciate the heartburn and the sticky floors a little more but sometimes in the moment all you'll feel is how tired you are. It's impossible to be there every moment, and frankly I believe Sullivan doesn't want me up his butt all day long. However, I make the most out of my time with him for the most part and I am sure to take a little "me time" as well so I can come back to be a better mommy to him. 
  • "Because I fought so hard for my child I will love him more than other mothers love theirs"
Ouch. I really don't think those who are struggling mean any harm by this, but harm it does cause. Infertility is a disease that brings so much insecurity it's tempting to belittle others in an attempt to make us feel better. Usually it doesn't work. My best friend is (most likely) fertile. My sister is fertile. Shoot, my husband is fertile! Do I love Sullivan more than they love their children? I would be an ignorant witch to think so. The journey to parenthood isn't a straight line for anyone, and everyone has their own story. It's not a badge to put on our sleeves when it matches our outfit. Parenthood is something to be cherished and to admire and to encourage. TTC friends, let's find another way to encourage each other instead of putting down our fertile friends. It's not their fault they were born with wonderful genes. (LOL cool it on the comments)

I'm sure there will be more, and maybe over time I will think of a few more and add to this list. 
For now, let's just all agree to take a step outside our crazy hormone worlds and consider how we are making our partner or friend feel... or maybe just how silly we may feel in a year when we have to eat our words.

Infertility definitely takes us on a journey, and I am only trying this blog from my own experience. These comments certainly tasted bitter when I realized just how wrong I was and had to eat my words.