God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

The ReBoot to my Blog

It has been over two years since my last post, and the last few posts were rushed and careless.
There have been many times over the last few years that I have wanted to reboot this blog, but I have not until now for numerous reasons. I was worried I didn't have anything to say (still am). I told myself I was too busy (still am). I thought about just starting all over, with a new fresh blog (but to be honest, this blog is where I started, and it will always draw me closer).

Walter and I now, almost 30 and still trying to get our act together.

In the past two years, like many, I have experienced great joy and grief. I have had so much joy in my life being a mom to my sweet miracle baby, Sullivan. So much so that we continued to try for another baby. When Sully's second birthday neared, he requested a little sister and I just knew it was time to turn to IVF again. We geared up for our third cycle.

Our handsome boy now. He has grown up so!

During our third cycle (which I may post more about later) we learned that my AMH was low. This is basically how many eggs are left in the carton. Long story short, we learned that my ovaries thought I was in my 40's and that this would likely be our last try at a IVF cycle. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel, and so our wonderful miracle-giving doctor decided to make it a hell of a try. That meant more drugs, more side effects, and (hopefully) more eggs and more embryos and maybe even blasts to freeze for later tries. Egg retrieval didn't give us the results we were hoping for right away, but it wasn't the worst news. We got 12 eggs, the same as our first cycle. However this time 9 of those eggies froze and we were going into transfer with our more embryos yet! Transfer day came and we were surprised (not surprised) by "lackluster results" once again. We did have a NINE CELL though- which was our best embryo yet! Our RE was "sure" this one was going to take. We had a few six-celled embryos, but they had plenty of fragmentation. Our angel of a doctor suggested we put in this little four cell embryo. I was skeptical. Our first cycle we put in two four celled embryos and we got a heartbreaking BFN. In the end, I trusted her. Lying on the table Dr. Cooper came in with so much excitement, "I think it's already a six cell this morning!" she almost sang. She joked that she was giving us twin girls and my exact words were "Oh don't do that to me!". We laughed because she knew I would take what I could get.

I was sick. Almost sick right away. I had this gut feeling it was twins, and I tried to convince Walter it was twins while trying to convince everyone else it wasn't. I wanted Walter to have time to let the possibility of twins "settle" because I just had this strong feeling... but I wanted everyone else to get used to the idea that we would be thrilled with one baby. I didn't want to hear the "oh just one" comments again.

Because I plan to blog more about this later, I'll cut to the happy ending: We are proud parents of now 10-month-old twin girls. God (and Dr. Cooper) knew better than we did, because our twincesses fit perfectly in our little family. Sully got his wish, not just with one sister, but with TWO! He somehow knew it all along, telling us the news of it being two sister when we told him he was going to be a Big Brother. "Well buddy, we don't know if it will be one or two, or even if it will be a sister or a brother... but we do know you are a Big Brother now and that is exciting enough!" He nodded along, but he was already convinced and then tried to explain that he knew otherwise. We should have listened I guess.

35 weeks in, and 35 weeks out.

Anberlin Lily (left) and Emery June.

So our circus now consists of a sleepy daddy and a busy mommy of three kiddos now 3 and under. Sully is already 3 (almost 3-and-a-half) and the girls turned 10 months old on the 2nd. Life is sweet, beautiful chaos.

Proud daddy and his three monsters.

Sully honestly couldn't love them more. He is the best Big Brother to them and is very proud of his "job".

Now you have a little more backstory. I'm not sure who I'm talking to, but I hope if anyone is out there reading that I can give you some gem that you enjoy in the future. I hope to get my fingers to typing a few times a week. I'll blog about life and mommyhood after infertility, and the circus our home is now. If no one decides to read,: Sully, Emery, and Anie, I hope someday you are able to read and see just how much joy you brought my days.

My (not so little) family on Grace's Day, still remembering our first angel.

More to come.


  1. I am so glad you are back. I have thought about you many many times over the last few years.

  2. I'll enjoy reading! Your family is beautiful, keep up the good work, momma!