God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Update: Life without Little One

Sometimes I sleep a lot. Last night I went to bed at 8pm, maybe 9pm at the latest, and I feel like I could have slept forever. Maybe catching up from last week's 15 total hours of sleep...
I'm starting to really watch what I eat and I'm getting more and more in it by the day. I want to be healthy and happy (and wouldn't mind being thin for maternity photos!) the next time we get pregnant. Although sometimes I can't contain myself and I eat every piece of candy, every scoop of ice cream, every carb in sight.
Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I bawl. Sometimes I do both at the same time (and this really freaks Walter out).
Sometimes I am mad at God. Sometimes I feel at peace that our baby is living in heaven. Sometimes I'm confused. Sometimes I feel like in denial. I'm ALWAYS missing our Little One.
Date Night is tonight, and I'm excited to be spending the night with the man I love. We're not sure on how to deal with these feelings. We're not sure on what to tell, what to keep to ourselves, when to cry, and when to laugh... we just do what we feel like our Little Girl would want. (We always had the feeling the baby was a girl, and since we won't know until heaven... where I don't believe there will be such a thing as boy/girl... we decided to just go with it.)
Through her death I have fallen in love with my husband more and more by the second. The moment I think it's impossible to love him any more, he surprises me and takes my love to a whole new level. We're really enjoying the hopefulness the New Year always brings. 2011 is going to be our year. It's nice to know our future children will always have an angel watching over them.

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