Know that some days I wake up, and I pray for God to make me sleepy still so I can sleep the day away, fearing I will be asked questions.
Know that some days I attack my 'To Do' list with determination, and pat myself on the back at the end of the day.
Know that some days when you call I act busy, when I'm really in my pajamas hiding from the world, and trying to hide from the pain.
Know that when nighttime comes, I pray for healing, and for the other women who have lost their children.
Know that when nighttime comes, I pray through grit teeth, telling/screaming/crying my anger to God.
Know that when you call, I could talk for hours.
Know that when you call, I hit ignore.
Know that I love reading your messages of encouragement/research/support.
Know that sometimes I put off reading them for days.
Know that I don't mind playing with your children or commenting on your beautiful pregnant belly.
Know that sometimes I do, and can't always meet for lunch.
Dearest Friends, in the end... Know I love you, and that it will never, ever take me long for my 'real' self to come back.
We'll go to lunch. :)
Also, I will do my very best to be there for any of your hurts and pains. I don't think I'm wrong to depend on you as well. No, that doesn't mean you are obligated to be there every time I shed a tear, or that I expect you to go out of your way... but it might mean a wet shoulder and having to give me a little extra Grace. :)
This season has taught me a lot of knowledge about the people I surround myself with. Some people have stepped up to bat, and our friendship runs deep, and will never die out. And yes, sometimes I have been disappointed. But the Lord has allowed this to touch my life, and I am doing my best to be content with it.
Thank you to those who have helped.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe
Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some come for a season. You have to know which is which. I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree.
Some people are leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they go to the left. The wind blows from the other way, they go to the right. They are just unstable. You can't count on them for nothing. All they ever do is take from that tree. What you need to understand about a leaf is that it has a season. It'll wither and die and blow away.There ain't no need to be praying over a leaf to be resurrected. When it's dead it's gone. Let it go! Some people are like that. All the leaf ever does is cool you off every now and then. If you're grown, you know what I'm talking about, because you can call them in the middle of the night and get cooled off. That's the leaf people. They come to take.
Then there are people like a branch. You got to be careful with branch people. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You never know how strong they will be in your life. So my advice is to tip out on it slowly. When you're going out on a limb, don't put too much weight on it at once, because it can fall and leave you high and dry. Sometimes, you have to wait for a branch to grow up before it can hold all of the things you want to share with it.
Finally, a favorite quote of mine... Something I'm still learning:
"Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you're always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.
I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they're over there... wind blow that way they over here... they're unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they're gone. That's alright. Most people are like that, they're not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. That's all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf.
Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, cause they'll fool you. They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and leave you high and dry.
But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren't going nowhere. They aren't worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don't have to know what they're doing for you but if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live.
A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it... just let it go. Let folks go."