God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Before Birth

Today, maybe because of the weather, was a tough day. The only movement I made out of the house was to go with my husband to get Subway sandwiches from Wal-Mart... it wasn't long before I'm sitting in the parking lot with him, sandwiches in hand, crying for over an hour. I'm sure we gave a good show. There are some days where the pain in my heart seems to prickle and sting every feeling part of my body, inside and out. I often feel like I have lost a limb, or one of my senses, being without my daughter. This was one of those days.
My husband is so kind. He truly understands that the pain can hit at any moment, and while I hate thinking he may see me as a ticking time bomb, my love for him has grown more than I ever thought a heart could bear.

Today I got thinking... it really wasn't long ago that I was driving around in my car not only singing to the songs on JOY FM, but really LISTENING and taking in the words that made the song. I started to pray, and my prayer led into... "Lord, I want the faith that these songwriters have. No matter what it takes."
Thinking back, I'm pretty sure this was in the month of October. The same month we conceived our little girl who was lost before she was found, and who was heaven-bound from the start.
God wasn't going to just 'strike down' this faith I prayed for, He was going to give me opportunities to be faithful (yes, going 'Evan Almighty' on you, lol).
Gracie has helped me learn a higher degree of faithfulness, and has helped me love my God even more. I feel Gracie, even before she was able to breathe a single breath of this world accomplished the purpose of her creation.

Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Psalm 139:13
"For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb."

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