God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

My 1st Mother's Day

This year I was able to 'celebrate' my first Mother's Day. It was a very strange and difficult day.

It started about a week ago, when Walter asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day. My first reaction was immediately confusion, then I realized... and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed... I'm not sure I ever really answered him. I think I was just so happy and so excited that he wanted to acknowledge Gracie and I with this day, and also so very sad that Gracie and I had to spend it apart.
For the three weeks before Mother's Day I had been busy planning a surprise birthday for my dad that would be the day before (which was also the 5 month anniversary of Gracie's home in heaven...). I didn't get to give it much thought other than what I was getting for gifts for others. I had my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister, my aunt, and my husband's grandmother to shop for and think of...
Until the morning hit, I woke up knowing I was missing out. But ten seconds after my eyes opened, Walter was walking in the bedroom carrying a tray full of breakfast, a card, and my devotional book. I read my card, and ate my breakfast, and I was enjoying it all! :) He then read the devotional of the day to me... I'm not even surprised that it was about adversity, Job, and loving God even if He has taken everything else away from you. However, I did start to get a little emotional.
After breakfast I got ready and it was time to leave for church. On the way, I received a text from a friend that told me to 'stand proudly today'. Right away Jill, a woman I adore and love, greeted everyone for Mother's Day and said a prayer. Jill prayer for all the busy moms and then prayed for all the mothers who have children in heaven. She even prayed for those who feel the ache and longing of being a mom, and for the children who have lost their moms. (Jill, I couldn't wait to hug you! So excited we had an 'excuse' to get together right after! I'm so lucky to know you, and see your beautiful example of handling grief. Your video, prayers, and singing were beautiful.) Immediately I broke down. I sat through the entire service quietly (or doing my best at least!) crying. I don't think it was a sad cry, and it wasn't quite a joyful cry... I think it was just a cry of grief, but a cry of grief that knows the good to come. At the end of service that asked for moms to stand. I stood for Gracie.
I came home to a 'Happy 1st Mother's Day' card from another good friend. The card was perfect. It even had a teal butterfly on it, something that ALWAYS reminds me of Grace. It felt so amazing. Both cards are now displayed proudly on my shelf in the living room, and will never see the trash.
I also got a few texts and Facebook messages, and I just wanted to say thank you for all of you who remembered me this Mother's Day. You are made the day not only bearable, but joyous.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to:
Walter Wallheimer, Leah Whitaker, Jill Winslow, Sarah Starrett, Britney Walden, Mallory Koesterer, Danielle Nyswonger, Rhonda Agne, Marie Colon...and of course, Gracie's Grandma :) (Thanks Momma!)
and to everyone else who wished me a Happy Mother's Day or have been praying for me. You've made this the best 1st Mother's Day a mother of an angel could ever have. <3


  1. you are absolutely welcome. :)

  2. I'm so glad you had a wonderful mother's day! I was praying for you. -Rachel P.