I can't help but have a huge cheesy grin. Please don't think that I am pregnant, that's not the case. However, the second-best-thing is about to be.
Before talking with my doctor on Monday the plan was, waiting for my period (hopefully it comes soon) then a 21 day cycle of Birth Control pills, followed by a 7-10 day injection cycle, and then looking around that time for an egg retrieval/embryo transfer. And that's IF my period was coming, but it wasn't looking good... If it didn't then the plan was to have 1-2 weeks of Provera BEFORE the Birth Control and waiting... It's a mess, I'm telling you. The initial tentative date was Aug 27 for the embryo transfer, then we were having trouble with my period so it was looking to be moved until the 2nd or 3rd week of September. When I heard that I. Just. Lost. It. The hardest part of IVF isn't the injections. It isn't the waiting for a + or -, really! The hardest part of IVF, for ME, is the month or two BEFORE the procedure when every sentence out of your mouth starts with "Depending on when IVF is...". It kills me. It's hard to plan ANYthing- especially looking for a JOB and a NEW HOME. I've had to turn down three jobs already. We've put off putting our home up for sale. We've put off and pushed so many things to the back of the line just WAITING for IVF. It truly is the worst purgatory I've ever been in.
So I go into my appointment Monday. Amber Cooper comes in and asks immediately, "Hello! How are you feeling?!" and before I can think of an answer my mouth is saying "Anxious". I'm anxious to get the show on the road, anxious to give it another try, anxious to know the answer- no matter what it may be. I feel like I am in a better place this time. I am aware that it is possible to be either a + or -, and EITHER WAY, I'm just ready to know. It is well with my soul either way.
She laughs at my response and we sit down and talk. She's looking over my paperwork as we chat as well. Finally, I believe God was working through her as she said... "You know, up until a few years ago, we never did BC before IVF. Studies haven't showed that it really hurts or helps a woman TTC. The BC really is for doctors schedules, so we can pace you out to fit a schedule for us. Why don't we just skip BC?"
My jaw must have dropped to the floor because she paused, and then after a while continued...
"It would be best if you were to start your period this week, like Thursday, then on Day One or Day Two of your cycle we could get you in here for an ultrasound and begin injections."
Again, she paused and read my concerned face...
"Hon, even if you don't start your period we can get you in here for an ultrasound Monday and perhaps see if your ovaries and everything are 'at rest' and not ready to ovulate (which is why I can't conceive!). So as long as everything stays the way it has been, we can possibly start you on injections next week at the latest after a Monday ultrasound."
Have I ever mentioned how much I love her? She has a way of putting you at ease, no matter what the circumstances. She is made to do the job she does. If I ever write a book, if I ever have a baby, if I ever win the lottery... she will be one of the first women I think. Instead, when we bought a dog in March, we named her Lucy Cooper. That's all I can do for now. :)
So- more good news- I started my period today. Perfect timing. A total blessing from the Lord above. I've struggled all week to put the timing in His Hands but I did it. I'm in the process of calling and getting an appointment either today/tomorrow for an ultrasound I think they wanted to begin injections. I may be able to skip the ultrasound! Injections are coming in tomorrow, after literally SEVEN HUGE HEADACHES and problems I've had to fight through, so hopefully that will be soon enough.
I thank the Lord for an amazing husband and best friends because they're are not only used to my overshares, but welcome it. Thank you, you both are amazing.
So what's next?
Whenever I begin injections, I think at the latest Saturday, I will have only 7-10 days of injections to do before the ER! We're doing an antagonist cycle this time instead of a protagonist cycle, and Dr. Cooper really thinks it's going to make the difference for me! After the 7-10 days will be the ER. Her goal is around 20 eggs this time (last time we did 12!). After the ER, they fertilize the eggs and let them grow 3-5 days (usually 3 days) and then it's ET time! It looks like my 2WW will begin anywhere from August 6th- August 9th! That's just TWO WEEKS from today!
I don't know if you've heard of SMASHbooking, but I'm addicted. It's like scrapbooking for more crafty and lazy people, lol. Walter bought me a special 'baby' SMASHbook so I can put in all the info from our infertility journey (this page is from our VERY first appointment in October 2010 at the RE)... and possibly all the wonderful things pregnancy will bring.
I remember a week ago when I wasn't getting my period and they were talking of pushing it off until September. I had just had a phone interview with this great mom for a nanny job, and if IVF was going to be pushed later I was going to have to pass on the job... which meant waiting longer on a house... I was devastated. I called my husband and crabbed until I got into a fight with him. I called my mom and sobbed. I talked to my husband again and we talked it out. We decided that if I didn't have my period by the 26th of July, that we would call this round of IVF off. There was no way I could wait until late September.
The we heard about skipping BC... and then I STILL had my period BEFORE/ON the 26th! God knew what He was doing! It's time like this I want to smack my forehead for ever doubting His timing.
Please Lord, please... I feel like You are testing me in Your timing this week... I trust You and I'm putting it all in Your Hands. The job... The house... The baby(ies)... Lord, I will still love you.
You told me in Your Word to ask and I will receive, so I'm asking Lord...
You can do miracles. You are the creator of BIG things, not just the small...
Walter and I have always said, "Three means 'I love you'" when we kiss three times or when we make three pancakes... Lord, I'm asking you for something BIG, I'm asking you for something because I know You love me...
I'm asking for Three. Big. Yeses!