God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

'How 'ya feelin'?'

It's a question you get a lot in the midst of IVF, and I'm appreciative to those who ask.
(Warning: TMI ahead)

However, I'm not quite sure on how to answer. As this question is asked a thousand responses run through my mind waiting to be chosen...

"Feeling bloated like a blimp, please catch me if I start to float away."
"Nauseous. I feel like any minute now I can vomit a meal from a week ago."
"Anxious. Oh. So. Anxious"
"Zzzzzzzzzzz. I'm sorry, I feel like I haven't slept in days."
"Oh, these shots are seriously a pain. My stomach feels like I swallowed a small campfire."
"What do you MEAN how am I feeling?! You think I may be moody?! Well I'm not!"
"*insert inaudible sobs here*"
"Like I'm reliving my teenage years, don't you see my face o' breakouts?"
"I'm doing fine, but you could you shut the window? That light breeze is too much for my super-sensitive breasts."
"It's cool. I'm kind of like a leopard with the circles of bruises on my tummy!"
"Just a little hot, please roll down the window. Could you roll up the window? I'm freezing!"
"Oil can. OIL CAN! My joints are worse than the tin man's and I'm sore ALL over!"
"Honestly, haven't had a solid poo in weeks."

All of these responses are completely true. However, I haven't said a single one. I can't bring myself to say them. No, not because they're overly personal (well maybe a bit) but (mostly), because I am just so happy. I'm so thrilled! I'm glad to have painfully sensitive breasts, and moments of upchuck warnings, and my wonderful IVF spots of bruises because it's means WE'VE MADE IT AND WE'RE TRYING IVF AGAIN!
"I'm bloated full of hope."
"I'm dizzy from the blessing."
"I'm so beyond excited. I can't wait!"
"I feel like I'm living IN my dreams!"
"My stomach is full of medicine and I'm raring to go!"
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I have to wait another couple of weeks; I'm jumping out of my skin!"
"*insert inaudible tears of joy here*"
"I feel like a young girl who's wishes are coming true!"
"Give me a hug! My boobs hurt because I'm doing IVF!"
"I'm a leopard; I'm a BEAST! I got this."
"I'm hot and I'm cold, On the road to preggo!"
"My husband has been the best oil can I know, completely willing to do whatever it takes to get me feeling better!"
"Honestly, haven't had a solid poo in weeks"

Okay, so maybe a cheesy line can't change everything, but you get it. :)
Even though this road is hard and uncomfortable, I feel like I'm safeguarded from it all because I'm just so darn excited to see what the outcome of all the preparation may be!
Mommies, think about if you got to PICK the time AND day to conceive your little one. Granted, you may keep the same time/day... but you would know deep in your gut that you were changing your life forever. I can't help but constantly wander off in my own little world and dream about being huge and pregnant... where my boobs will hurt and the hot flashes will be crazy, and... yes, it will be a lot like now... with baby. My lifetime dream and desire will be unfolding, and can be unfolding RIGHT NOW!
So please excuse my cheesiness, and my constant chatter about all things baby...
but I just feel it deep in my gut that things are going to be different this time!


  1. Very well said! (And yes, a cheesy line can just about everything). :D

  2. I love this post! I can totally relate ... I have been following your blog for a few months now and you encouraged me to start my own journal of our journey (www.crackedeggs.blog.com). Keep on keeping on.

  3. Jackie,
    It didn't take me long to read your entire blog, and I must say that any way you attribute encouragement of my blog to the making of yours is flattering. Your blog is wonderfully written, hilarious, and inspiring. Consider me hooked, and a new reader! Keep the blog updated, can't wait to see when your time comes! :)