God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Infertility Blessings

Walter and I still in shock daily to be experiencing this dream of ours.

The moment either of us wake up, our hand fly to my belly to make sure the bump is growing and to say 'Good Morning!' to our little man.
At a store, I'm pulled to the baby section like a magnet and can't help but touch all the tiny things. It still feels like I'm dreaming and playing some sort of game of house.
At night Walter and I walk past the decorated nursery and sigh. It blows our minds to actually think of a sleeping baby in the crib.

We know his face and we know his name. Just today I've never felt more anxious to just hold him and rock him. This blessing of pregnancy we've been given, it's like nothing I've ever felt before.
It's not like a birthday or a wedding, where you can't wait for the day, and then have the after-party blues.
This blessing is forever. The moment I get sad that my pregnancy seems to be flying by, I get so giddy and excited because at the end of the blessing begins another... and we'll have our little Sullivan James in our arms and in our hearts until the end of forever.

Sometimes I just sit back and think of how our life will soon change forever. There will things we'll be doing less, things we'll be doing more, and things that will forever be done differently.

We can no more just run out of food in the fridge, shrug, and decide to 'go out'. We have a little mouth to feed, and just getting up and going will be a small feat for quite awhile.
Walter and I will no longer belong to just each other. Walter's attention will be demanding by a tiny little voice, and it will be rare to ever get to have him to myself again.
Nights of being lazy and reading and playing games will be replaced by nights of interrupted naps and feedings.
We'll both need to be less selfish, more patient, and tighter with our money.

These things still make me smile, and don't make me regret our journey on bit.

If Walter and I would have had a child when we first started trying, we would have missed so much.
We got time together. We went on trips together. We had lazy days and days of spending the day with each other. We learned how to communicate better. We're a better team.

This whole blog has been about our infertility journey, and it will continue to be as we begin to talk about baby #2 (and 3, or 4, or... lol) but I'm glad right now I can look back and say, "I see now. God definitely knew what He was doing, and I have been a fool not to see it. I am thankful for our infertility journey, and am thankful for Sullivan and all the angel babes we've been blessed with."

Now I just need to remember that for our next go-around ;)

1 comment:

  1. I love it. When I got engaged (I had always been afraid I would NEVER get married) I felt like I was in a dream. Too good to be true? Is this really happening? It was such an amazing feeling to realize, yes, it was true, God had moved, and prayers were answered. Fun fun fun!