First, I thought we'd get the bad over with so I can let. it. go...
Mother's Day was a beautiful day. The weather was beautiful, and we went to my mom's house for a BBQ and to swim and be with the family. It started great, family was having a good time, and we were sharing stories. I don't know how it got to this point, but my dad said something to make me follow it with the question, "How would you feel if we adopted a child of another race?"
"You mean, like Spanish?"
"Any of the races, dad."
"Well... I guess I would be fine with it as long as it's not black."
I'm sure you can see where this is going. Things were said by him that I don't even feel comfortable typing out. Of course, all of it followed by, "Now I'm not a racist, I have black friends..." I then told him if any of his black friends were sitting here they would be quick to punch him in the face. A few things he said literally made my stomach flip flop and get sick. My grandfather's 'girlfriend' began to chime in, and it took everything in me to remind her that she wasn't even family. The whole family began talking, and debating. As it finally died down, we quickly left and I cried the entire way home.
It made me realize how far out there his beliefs are. It made me realize I desperately want to break the belief that the child will 'force him to make chitlins' and 'marry one of his own kind and force me to be the minority'.I came home to stumble across a blog a friend posted on Facebook: What I Leaned About Motherhood be Being an Adoptive Parent. Her blog was beautiful. I love how she says,
"When you adopt transracially, you do not become the parents of a minority child. You become an interracial family. Adopting transracially effects the entire family unit, and this means that the whole family must adjust to make sure that a child of another race grows up with a sense of belonging. Adoptive parents must open their eyes to racism, instead of burying their head in the convenient sand of a mythical post-racial world."
It made me really sit and think for quite some time on the biblical belief of 'family'. Is it biblical to do what I feel called to do (adopt children of other races) and put my future family about the family I was born into? I know our 'family' is our spouses and our children... but does that include the children to come?
I believe so. I believe that God has placed this burden on my heart, and given me all the family I could even need in my husband to fulfill his calling of having an interracial family. The older generations can choose when that time comes on which will win between their love for my husband and I (and their grandchild) or their hatred of a skin color. My family really is split right now on their beliefs.
In the debate my sister acted like she was shocked it was even an issue, she and her husband (and their three children) would have no problem with it. My mother even said, "If having a black child is my only chance at having a grandchild then I will love him." Even though I appreciate my mother for saying that, I don't like that she thinks adopting (especially adopting an African child) is a last resort. My grandpa ans his girlfriend literally stuck out their tongues in disgust at adopting- I may as well have been eating raw meat off the dirty soil.
I can only hope God will bless us with children of our own, and children who are Asian or African American. I think interracial families are the most beautiful I've ever seen, and I would love to someday be a family that fights against the negative stereotypes that somewhere along the road I 'settled'.
I was also told not once Happy Mother's Day by my family.