God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

'Just' One

Here we are, just hours before our first ultrasound! So many questions going through my head!
'Is there a heartbeat?' 
'Is it in the right spot?' 
'Are there more than one?'
...are the top three questions I keep wondering.

With so much time to think about it I begin to think of the possibibilites...

"Okay, so it's early. It's possible there may not be a heartbeat just yet. That's okay. There's no sense in panicking just yet... that just means another ultrasound soon! And I'll get to see him/her/them again. I'll just have to breathe and settle down. It'll be okay."

"What if it's another ectopic pregnancy?! That would be re-living the worst nightmare of my life. (And that's about as far as I'll allow myself to think on this one..."

"What would it be like to see THREE heartbeats?! Or FOUR?! Money would be oh-so-tight, but we'd be oh-so-blessed as well. Haha. I can see God doing that. All my prayers finally following through, and I get a carload all a once. An 'instant family' as everyone keeps saying! lol Oh goodness... I'll have to make sure Walter keeps breathing!"

"'Just' one. What if there's 'just' one? How would I feel?"

I thought I'd put a post about that.

As soon as people find out I'm pregnant from IVF their question is "How many?!" or immediately assume twins. Would I be thrilled with twins? Absolutely. I'm a little afraid to admit this so publicly, but that's what Walter and I prefer! Not to be greedy. No to be 'special'. But solely because we put two adorable little embryos in, and we don't want to handle another loss. But, it can happen. So how would I feel with 'just' one as everyone keeps asking?

Even though I'm guilty myself, I think it's time to remove the 'just'. One baby would be the biggest blessing I've ever received in my life (except my husband, I still believe!) and there's no disappointing 'just' about it! One would be a blessing. One would be beautiful. With one, there is plenty of time to coo over him/her. To spend the time breaking into motherhood. Boy or girl. They would make us a family.

It's hard to say how much I would love and appreciate one, without saying how much I would love and appreciate twins. Or triples. Or the 'q' word Walter and I don't speak a lot of, lol.

Just wanted to go on record before the news it out that we're thrilled. All we want is healthy, and we'll deal with anything thrown at us. Multiples. Either gender. Finances. Whatever.

We have been divinely blessed by our Lord, whether 'just' one or more. :)


  1. I couldn't agree more with this post!! I also would LOVE to have twins -- everyone I say that to thinks I'm crazy -- but it would be so awesome. :) Praying for you today!

  2. I'm so sorry for the loss of baby #2 but overjoyed for baby #1. Love you guys!