Please do not read this blog if you are easily offended.
I still feel like an 'infertile woman'. I still am an infertile woman! While that may not make sense now that I'm pregnant, it still feels true. I still suffered through those years of infertility. I still understand the pain. I still fear miscarriage. I still know that this may be our only pregnancy we'll be blessed with. We can't 'just have another child'. As a pregnant woman, infertility still stings. It doesn't go away.
I have done my absolute best to be open, honest, loving, and sensitive to those still TTC. Even when I'm beyond nauseous, I smile and say 'Great!' when asked how I'm doing. Even when the aches and pains of pregnancy nag at me, I don't decide to run and update my Facebook status. Even when things aren't as I envisioned, I still feel... so unworthy.
I feel so unworthy for this blessing that has been given to me. I know multiple women who are TTC who would make excellent mothers! Why was I chosen this time? There are women TTC with more money in savings, a cleaner home, a better devotion plan...
Please know that I wake up every morning thanking God for our -now- olive (we call the baby by the weekly produce, lol). I understand your frustration if you're TTC and you're looking at me like I don't deserve this. I've been there. It's been hard for me to handle the other side as well.
I know IVF and ART and IF like the back of my hand... but picking an OB for my baby blows my mind. I still can't help myself to say something when I see a momma complain. It still stings. Not that I don't think I'll complain at the end of a long day with baby, but it's all about where you choose to let those complaints out. Do I complain to my husband about my sore breasts? Yes. Do I complain to my best friend about being STARVING and then suddenly, full? Yes. Do I go to a TTC friend and complain? No! Do I go on Facebook for the world to see my insignificant whines? Absolutely not.
I thank God for this blessing. This blessing I've waited for, and prayed for, and begged for... but I'm still standing for infertility. It is still a part of me. It still hurts, and doesn't go away with baby.
Thank you Walter, Britney, and Sarah who listen to my whines about pregnancy, and still understand it's not my heart. You know that when I (even rarely) slip about needing to pee AGAIN that my heart is still celebrating the fact I am able to be exasperated about my bathroom frequency. :)
And Mommies, Thank YOU for putting up with the fact sometimes I just have to say something. It's not because I think you don't love your children. It's not because I think you're ungrateful. I'm just trying to be a helpful reminder that even when your day is long and hard, each and every one of those sticky little hands are a blessing. Sometimes we get so caught up in our lives, we forget what we're living with, and all we've been blessed with.
I thank infertility for teaching me that.