God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Afraid for the News

I woke up this morning ready to spring into action... mainly because I am SO anxious to hear if we are pregnant or not. Walter came upstairs, and woke me up with a kiss on the lips, and two on the stomach. It was from that point on my mind has been racing.

A part of me says, "I simply CANNOT wait! I FEEL pregnant. NO scary bleeding or anything! I'm showing pregnancy symptoms! I am so excited to officially be able to tell my parents and his, our siblings, etc. I definitely have to think of a cute way to tell them! Maybe I should plan dinner with them on Thursday? Oh my goodness, how do I tell them? Do I buy them a card? Gift a small onesie? Do I say it nonchalantly and see who picks up on it? Or should I walk in the restaurant screaming and crying? lol Oh... to see my husband's face beam with that proud father moment again will be priceless. He will be such a good daddy. He deserves these babies!"
(...and I definitely did pause on blogging to text them all to plan dinner for Thursday night! We are going to TGIFridays on Thursday at 6PM. I decided this was another good place to prepare the field for blessing.)

Another part of me says, and I hate to even type these words out, "There's no way I'm pregnant. I don't feel pregnant. I can wait for Thursday. In fact, I hope it never comes. I don't want the bad news. I can totally see the doctors delivering bag news to me, I just cannot imagine the getting the good news. I didn't have any implantation bleeding either. At least I'll be able to stop progesterone and all these whacky side effects will stop..."
Okay, that's enough of that. You get the point and can fill in the blanks.

Lastly there's another part of me, and it's the part I enjoy the most, that says, "Stop. Calm. Don't worry. You are in His Hands. He's got this. Be calm. Feel peace. Let it go. He's got this."

Psalm 133:9 He makes the barren woman to be a homemaker and a joyful mother of [spiritual] children. Praise the Lord! (Hallelujah!)

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