God writes our story.
I am still learning to surrender the pen.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

My first babysitter was an Embryologist

As you know, my egg retrieval was Tuesday as well as Walter's 'collection' (sorry, there is no nice way of saying that!) and our stuff was placed in a test tube (NOT a petri dish! lol) to become one. We now have eight- most assuredly beautiful- Wallheimer babies. Everything our children will be are in those teeny, tiny embryos. Everything from their hair color, to their gifts and talents, are already made by God and placed in their tiny bodies of just a few cells. Just how small are these little guys (OR girls!)?

Waiting for the results of our embryo growth on transfer day, to me, is worse that the 2WW. Of all the steps in the IVF process, that is where Walter and I seem to lose the lead. I have stimulated very well, both times. I have grown a good number of follicles both times as well. Fertilization has always been our friend as well. However last time on the day of the transfer our hearts were shattered when we realized our embryos weren't growing the way they should. I tried my best to stay positive, but with such grim statistics it was hard to.

So what are we looking for?

Above are a few pictures of embryos to see what they look like. We're looking for even cell division, with little to no fragmentation- which is where the cell divides and there's a little bit of 'extra' that doesn't make it to either cell. It's like a flaw. I think of it like a crack in an egg. The egg is probably still good, but it might be a sign of poor quality. 

Here is another picture of an embryo that's growing. In the first photo, you can clearly see that it is a single cell. In the second photo it has grown to 6 cells. These 6 cells look to be great quality! Clear, even, and little fragmentation. The embryo continues to grow until it becomes a blastocyst, which is the 5th day of fertilization. The blastocyst is the 5th photo in the collage above. 

As I wait here for tomorrow to come, just to know how my wonderful children are growing, my body almost itches with anticipation. I'm sure some, if not most of you, will think I'm crazy feeling like I've left my children behind. But I don't care. I feel like there is a tight string connecting us, and I can't help but think and pray for them often. So many people have been so kind to text and check up on me. I really can't tell you enough how much I appreciate the kind words and prayers. It seriously keeps me going. I'm sorry if my answer is just 'fine' or 'okay', because really, I have no idea how I'm feeling.

I just know I have a dying urge to get back to my children. 

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