Funny how one bad apple can ruin your thinking. I got a comment from a past 'friend' on my blog late last night and it was rude and hurtful.
After reading her comment I changed my facebook status to the following:
Facebook Status:
Had my first person ream at me and call me a hypocrite for announcing our pregnancy. I knew this was coming, but I also knew I couldn't win. Just days ago, after finding out herself, she posted about how she was praying for us and cared for us... now that's it on facebook I'm scum. Sigh. Can't please everyone.
Amanda Renken i am finding more and more it is better to not worry about pleasing everyone. just worry about what is best for you and do it. you can't make everyone else happy so no use in making yourself miserable to try.13 hours ago · · 4
Amanda Renken i know jen. it is hurtful. i am so sorry you are having to go through it. you have been through enough. i know personally i was thrilled to see the awesome news. i am so excited for you. i was so glad to see you had posted news cause i was anxious to find out.13 hours ago · · 4
Jen Wallheimer Thanks Amanda, so many were and I was so careful and tried to spare feelings... I just felt like there was no good way. I couldn't ignore people for another six weeks.
Amanda Renken no problem jen. i have learned that sometimes some people are determined to bad mouth people regardless of what they do. and that some people will say they are on your side and there for you until you need them to be and then they walk away or criticize you for doing what you need to do. life is too short to let people rob you of your joy. and i think that this is just a way for Satan to attack and steal your joy right now because he knows that you are praising God and he doesn't like that at all.13 hours ago · · 2
Amanda Renken no problem. that's what friends are for. and God knows as do you how many times you made me feel better since i met you. you have always been there for me and supported me. glad i could help return the favor. :)13 hours ago · · 2
Jen Wallheimer Just hope no one else feels like I did it because 'I act like I'm above others' or to spite anyone. :( That's not my heart people! Please message me honestly so we can talk it out if you do! :(
Amanda Renken people who know you should know better than that jen. i'll be praying that God will give you peace tonight and restore your joy. :)13 hours ago · · 2
Tim N Jamie Pender Oh well. You be happy for you your husband and your baby. Tim and I are so happy for you guys!!
Jen Wallheimer Thank you Jamie! You are too sweet! I thank God all the time for your new decision!!!13 hours ago via mobile ·
Tim N Jamie Pender Thank you so much! We are very happy with it too, like we've been searching for something and finally found it. Congratulations once again! It's so exciting isn't it? Babies really are a miracle. We wish you all the best and hopefully well be able to meet him or her one day! I'd really like to meet and get to know you! Tim likes Walter a lot, we need another couple to hang out with.
Sharon Gordon Be happy with you and the things you do. Can't please everyone. We are happy for you and I am glad you share the information on FB with us. Thank you.8 hours ago · · 1
Kesia Shelton-Miller Sweet Girl, everybody who knows you knows how long you have waited for this moment. We all know you took special care and consideration when it came to announcement time. Heck, I'm your cousin and when I hit you up on Saturday you practically ignored me because you were taking such caution in telling all of us in the manner you and Walter had prayed about and decided upon. Do NOT let anyone steal your joy; put on your happy pants and do the Happy Dance come rain, shine or naysayers! This is your party and it's your turn. Surround yourself with like-minded dancers who want to join your party and enjoy this special time. I Love You Jen, now concentrate on those babies eyes! ♥
Brooke Beasley Harms Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us!! Don't let other people bother you!! This is your time to be happy and enjoy your pregnancy!! Praying for you to have a safe and healthy pregnancy!!!7 hours ago · · 3
Daven Allen The thing is Jen, we have all been following your story and it's no secret that you did IVF. The only next step would be to announce the big news! I am so excited for you!!
Sara Renee McLaughlin Don't let it get to you, I don't understand how anyone could call you that after you clearly poured your heart out and explained everything... Besides that, you've experienced a loss previously and understand the risks- I'm happy that you are able to experience joy with this pregnancy, and are able to share that joy with others! I personally have decided to share when I get pregnant to share that joy because my baby deserves it whether my pregnancy will make it to term or not... Just me, but I believe people knowing and praying is very powerful!
Laura Motl Oh, Jenny, please don't let anyone take this moment from you. There truly is NO WAY you could have waited, we all knew you were in your 2WW and would find out for sure on Friday, and quite frankly, if you hadn't told everyone we would have known you were pregnant anyway, because there would have been no reason to delay if you were not. And on top of that, speaking as one who has prayed and prayed and prayed for you these past years, we needed to know how to continue praying, be it for your peace at another loss or for the continued health of a beautiful child or children (still praying for twins!). Sara makes a good point I had not previously thought about if Nathan and I ever get pregnant- every child deserve the power of prayerful friends and family, even if you're still in the "red zone" and still have a significant chance of miscarriage. Don't feel bad for choosing to provide your child(ren) with the backing of that prayer, or for providing yourself with the happiness of telling friends and family, a moment you've deserved for such a long time.6 hours ago · · 5
Keely Hummert Giles You are a very caring person, but you know all too well the vicious cycle of hope and despair that comes with infertility. Nothing anyone says or does makes that cycle stop when you are in it. Pregnancy announcements and births may be a convenient outlet for the anger and frustration, but the anger and frustration is there anyway.
How can you not shout, proclaim and rejoice over answered prayer? to do otherwise would be disrespectful of this incredible blessing!
We have to rejoice and appreciate our blessings. You post a lot about what a wonderful husband you have. That is indeed a precious gift! However, there are many women who have not found a mate or have one that is less than stellar. Do you worry over your comments and posts about Walter for fear of making them feel sad? I doubt it. And you shouldn't! You honor your husband and God through your expressions of appreciation.6 hours ago · · 4
Keely Hummert Giles In fact I would go so far as to say the expressions of appreciation and gratitude serve as a light to those who are struggling and hoping. God does amazing things and our testimony honors that!6 hours ago · · 4
Facebook status: Funny how one rude person can made you doubt yourself if you're doing the right thing... thanks to the tons of friends I adore and appreciate!
I want to thank all of my amazing friends who have taken the time to get to know my heart and know what my intentions have been through our infertility, IVF, and our new pregnancy. We've been through the painful aspects of a miscarriage before, and I wouldn't wish it or anyone. I don't want to strike that fear in anyone either. Our friendship ended when she announced her pregnancy and told me I should 'run to my hubby's arms to cry'. She asked what she could do to make it less painful, and I suggested not making it 'facebook official' until 12 weeks, but told her it was ultimately her decision. She instead announced it the next day at 4 or 5 weeks. Definitely her call, but she continued to be rude and bully me into a corner. It was clear then this wasn't really a friendship at all. :(
I'm so blessed by all of you who took the time to encourage me. It really lifted my spirits and affirmed Walter and I that we did the right thing. You all are a blessing for our Lord.
This person is not a true friend. once again, while I completely get that everyone walks a different path, only those who have been down yours can understand. I lost some friends through my infertility journey too. I am all the more grateful for those who truly care, love and support me now more than ever!! Dont worry about her, love. You deserve every happiness. xoxox
ReplyDeleteHi Jen!! Glad you liked the baby names :) I haven't gone as to far to "allow" myself to dream about what attributes I imagine our baby will have. Good future blog idea!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I think you handled the pregnancy thing perfect!! As an infertile, its always hard to hear that someone got what you wanted, but you were so sensitive, acknowleding feelings and reminding everyone that YOU have had a journey. I love that you choose to celebrate it and praise God. Thank you for how you told us, I think it was sensitive and awesome :)